Enigma in a nutshell

It wasn’t easy growing up being the only male in the family. My dad had abandoned us when I was still young, for a new life. Not that I hold it against him, but this was something that molded me as I grew up. I do keep in touch with him now, but it he was non-existent during my adolescence and early adulthood.

I never understood people while growing up. It was hard for me to relate to anyone back then, because all I ever wanted to do was keep to myself. I was teased often by people who didn’t know me. You can even go to the extremes of being bullied. Sure, I had friends and even best friends, but no one really understood what I felt. After awhile, I would start pushing people I care about away, often ending up feeling alone and abandoned, just like I felt when my dad had left.

I thought if I followed in my Dad’s footsteps of going into the military, I would finally understand why he left. He was a cook then, but a recruiter convinced me of going into the “Navy Nuclear Program” instead. They say the program is equivalent to an education of that from MIT and I graduated from the program with trouble of having the lack of confidence, even though I demonstrated the knowledge and ability.

Being sent off to my military home and around guys was good, but it was still awkward because I still couldn’t relate to most of them with stories of family. I had trouble expressing myself when I needed. Even in the military I had to suffer through ridicule and what they called hazing. To my disappointment, I ended up leaving that lifestyle, but not without serving for a little over 5 years. Having been there made me grow up faster, so I wouldn’t change things if I wanted to.

Now, I’m not the typical person you would meet on a daily basis. I’m the “cup is half full” type of guy, but I’m often skeptical when it comes to others. I constantly evaluate my situation and those around me, because it gives my mind something to do. While my hands are occupied, I often tend to think of the next outcome for tomorrow, because it makes it that much more exciting. At the same time, I maintain a clear conscience to allow free processing of the task at hand.

I like being truthful on a personal level. If I never lie to to you, you can always trust me to tell the truth. I am openly honest, because I truly believe truth trumps all lies. At the same time, because of this, I am often blunt and found to be offensive without any thought on what was said. I mean, if it wasn’t true, then it wouldn’t hurt. This also makes me truly apologetic, if I do offend somehow.

I would say I’m misunderstood, but that’s a safe word to call it. My humor and knowledge collide when I speak, making it difficult for anyone to distinguish whether I’m being serious or funny. I guess it could be both – they call it sarcasm I suppose (there’s also a profane term for it), but I do have the most earnest intentions, either way. Today, even though I still exhibit those traits, I’ve toned down enough to be able to make friends wherever possible.

Life brings many wonders, and no one has the capacity to experience them all. I have been places people only dream of going, yet I still dream of going elsewhere. My interests vary from cultural differences to atomic energy to raw entertainment to difficulties in relationships to culinary activities, but nothing is as insanely interesting and more unpredictable than life itself.

I’m what you would call a “Jack-of-all-trades”. I’ve spent most of my life doing things for the experience, erratically jumping to and fro. Although, I’ve nearly excelled at almost everything I’ve done, scrupulous to some point, it was never something I’ve always wanted to do. I did it all just to get by (because that’s what we’re taught in school). Yet, all I’m limited to do for now is continue the insanity, living life like a regular human being.

I’ve always had many aspirations and I’ve failed to do anything with them until now. Now of all times, why wasn’t it sooner? The only one keeping me from moving forward, was me. Fear of acceptance. Fear of approval. Fear that I’ll never live up to who I want to be. But it’s funny when you think about it, because it’s always something you view from others, that inspire you to do what you’re meant to do. Those who do these things well are fearless.

My goal here is to inspire others. I love to see people flourish, when they’re down on wits end. I realize there are situations out of our control and we all always need someone to listen. I do that. I give good advice. I even go out of my way to make sure you’re on the right track before I leave your side. After I’m gone, it only takes a tap on the shoulder to gain my attention again.

I guess that’s why I’m truly doing this. It’s not because I want to make something of myself, it’s because I want to be able to make a difference. And through my art, my vision, and my literature, I can and will accomplish this. I can do this because I am an illustrator, a photographer, an author, a life coach, a friend, a father and a husband. I’ve lived my life, so now it’s time to give back. Please follow my blog of inspiration.

You’ve probably already seen some of my work. I am currently an Editor and writer/author of the following pages on Facebook: Gerald E NigmaGood SpiritsWoe is my relationship, and SpiritRyu.

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